3 Ways to Express Your Thoughts So That Everyone Will Understand You

I don’t really like tips—tips about communicating well or tips about writing. What I would prefer is a process that transforms you so the tips happen automatically. For instance, very often the tip is given: When you’re speaking to a crowd, vary the pace of your speech. Vary the volume.

Well, those are two good things, but if they happen mechanically, it gets to be kind of boring. Some people are encouraged, when they’re coached, to do things like: At this point, leave where you’re standing and walk over there. Take a pause.

Maybe that makes sense in terms of how it’s written—at the end of a paragraph, you might want to make a space before the next one. But it doesn’t necessarily make sense in terms of how you’re talking and relating to the people you’re speaking with. That relating to them should be the source of a pause, the source of moving, because it comes out of the thought process I’m going through, and it comes out of the thought process I sense you’re going through.

Have you understood that last part? So now, I’m thinking: If you have, what’s the next thing I can tack on that will mean something to you? And if you haven’t, should I clarify it a little more? There’s a dynamic relationship between us that leads to changes in pace, changes in volume, and so on.

A tip is just an intellectualization of that. It might be okay to give someone a tip once they’ve got the grounding in the ability to connect. But it ought to come out of the connection. It shouldn’t be a checkbox to tick off.

So, I really don’t like tips. If I’m pressed really hard, there are three tips I do kind of follow. But probably, it’s a good idea to follow these tips after you get used to being connected to somebody.

The Three Rules of Three

1. Say only three important things.
   I try to say no more than three important things when I talk to people—no more than three. If it’s just one thing, that’s maybe even better. But usually, there’s more to say. When I make notes on what I want to talk about, if I see I’m going past three—four or five—I start eliminating. Sometimes, I fold them into the other points because three things are really all I can remember. I don’t work from notes when I talk to people, and I advise others not to. Never read it, because reading excommunicates you. It’s not communication; it’s excommunication, in my view. If I can’t remember more than three things, I don’t think my audience can either. So, what’s the point of telling them stuff they won’t remember? That’s rule number one: three things.
2. Say difficult things in three different ways.
   If I have something difficult to explain, something I think will be hard to understand, I try to say it in three different ways. I think approaching it from different angles gives people a better chance of getting a three-dimensional view of the idea.
3. Repeat difficult ideas three times.
   If I have a difficult concept, I try to say it three times throughout the talk. The first time, people start to get used to it. The second time, it becomes familiar. By the third time, they might say, “Oh, yeah, right—I get it.”

I do follow those three tips, but I wouldn’t tell someone: “You’re going to get up to talk. Here are three tips to remember.” It’s a process. You’ve got to be transformed into being a better communicator. You’ve got to go through steps. It’s like going to the gym—only it’s a lot more fun than the gym because it involves connecting with another person.

We’re built to connect with others. Despite often avoiding it, connecting is fun when we allow ourselves to do it. If we can transform ourselves into liking that connection—with the audience we’re talking to or writing for—then the tips will happen automatically. Or finally, we’ll be able to put them to work in terms of that transformation.

That way of connecting really feels good.

Evo prevedenog teksta na srpski jezik:

Ne volim baš savete—savete o tome kako dobro komunicirati ili kako pisati. Ono što bih više voleo jeste proces koji te transformiše tako da se saveti dešavaju automatski. Na primer, vrlo često se daje savet: Kada govoriš pred publikom, menjaj tempo govora. Menjaj jačinu glasa.

Pa, to su dve dobre stvari, ali ako se dešavaju mehanički, postaje dosadno. Neki ljudi se ohrabruju tokom obuke da urade ovako nešto: U ovom trenutku napusti mesto na kojem stojiš, pređi tamo i napravi pauzu.

Možda to ima smisla kada je napisano—na kraju pasusa možda želiš da napraviš razmak pre nego što pređeš na sledeći. Ali to ne mora nužno imati smisla u kontekstu kako govoriš i kako se povezuješ s ljudima kojima se obraćaš. To povezivanje s njima trebalo bi da bude izvor pauze, izvor pokreta, jer to dolazi iz misaonog procesa kroz koji prolazim, i dolazi iz misaonog procesa koji osećam da ti prolaziš.

Jesi li razumeo taj poslednji deo? Sada razmišljam: Ako jesi, šta je sledeće što mogu dodati, a da ima smisla za tebe? A ako nisi, da li da to malo bolje objasnim? Postoji dinamičan odnos između nas koji dovodi do promene tempa, promene jačine glasa i slično.

Savet je samo intelektualizacija toga. Možda je u redu dati nekome savet nakon što je stekao osnovu za povezivanje. Ali to bi trebalo da proizađe iz te veze. Ne bi trebalo da bude samo čeklista koju treba označiti.

Dakle, stvarno ne volim savete. Ako baš moram, postoje tri saveta kojih se nekako pridržavam. Ali verovatno je dobra ideja slediti te savete tek nakon što se navikneš da se povezuješ s nekim.

Pravilo tri stvari

1. Reci samo tri važne stvari.
   Trudim se da kažem ne više od tri važne stvari kada govorim ljudima—ne više od tri. Ako je to samo jedna stvar, možda je to čak i bolje. Ali obično ima dosta toga da se kaže. Kada pravim beleške o onome što želim da kažem, ako vidim da prelazim tri—na četiri ili pet—počinjem da eliminišem. Ponekad ih uklopim u druge tačke, jer tri stvari su zaista sve što mogu da zapamtim. Ne koristim beleške dok govorim ljudima i savetujem druge da to ne rade. Nikada ih ne čitaj, jer čitanje te isključuje iz komunikacije. To nije komunikacija; to je ekskomunikacija, po mom mišljenju. Ako ne mogu da zapamtim više od tri stvari, ne mislim da može ni moja publika. Pa, koja je svrha reći im nešto što neće zapamtiti? To je prvo pravilo: tri stvari.
2. Reci teške stvari na tri različita načina.
   Ako imam nešto teško za objašnjenje, nešto za šta mislim da će biti teško razumeti, trudim se da to kažem na tri različita načina. Mislim da pristupanje iz različitih uglova ljudima daje bolju šansu da steknu trodimenzionalni uvid u ideju.
3. Ponovi teške ideje tri puta.
   Ako imam tešku ideju, trudim se da je ponovim tri puta tokom govora. Prvi put, ljudi počinju da se navikavaju na to. Drugi put, postaje im poznato. Do trećeg puta, mogli bi reći: „Aha, da—razumem.“

Pratim ta tri saveta, ali ne bih rekao nekome: „Treba da održiš govor. Evo tri saveta kojih treba da se setiš.“ To je proces. Moraš biti transformisan u boljeg komunikatora. Moraš proći kroz korake. To je kao odlazak u teretanu—samo što je mnogo zabavnije od teretane, jer uključuje povezivanje s drugom osobom.

Izgrađeni smo da se povezujemo s drugima. Uprkos tome što to često izbegavamo, povezivanje je zabavno kada sebi dopustimo da to radimo. Ako možemo da se transformišemo tako da uživamo u toj vezi—bilo s publikom kojoj govorimo ili za koju pišemo—onda će se saveti dešavati automatski. Ili ćemo konačno moći da ih iskoristimo u kontekstu te transformacije.

Taj način povezivanja zaista prija.

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